What else is there to talk about? What has been on my mind these past couple of weeks? I haven’t written anything aside from the average recap posts which I would not describe as truly meaningful … I just simply don’t know what to blog about anymore… I keep putting it off too because that writer’s block comes into play. I see my peers (from both my research and deeper dive projects) working on the projects and I get some self-pressure to do the same. Sigh… whatever. Blog time is precious. It’s important. And I’m not going to ignore it any longer. I’ll simply put on my headphones and reflect…

I didn’t have a good end of the week last week, specifically, Thursday and Friday. Mentioning all the details would take an extremely long time, time of which I don’t wish to spend here in VRAC when I should be working on my other stuff. I just know I have to take care of it later…write in my journal or so for a couple of hours. I need to let out the pressure building up inside me… that unhealthy pressure. Stress and pressure is good, but not the one that makes you feel bad about yourself…

Maybe I need to loosen up more. I’m not as social as I was during the first 3 of weeks here at SPIRE… I’ve kind of unconsciously gone back in my shell… becoming lost in my thoughts. I simply don’t know what else to talk about with my peers during break times… either I’m caught up in my own thoughts about what I have to do which blocks me out, I don’t think my conversation topic will lead into anything new and insightful, or I simply can’t think of anything to say when I want to have a conversation. Something I do know for sure is that the novelty effect has worn off. I remember being so excited each day upon coming to “work” which didn’t feel like work… each day being a new opportunity to see my peers again and learn new skills in the four crash courses we had, but that excitement is pretty much gone. I’ve gotten used to things here. Mom, if you read this, it’s not depression. It’s just a phase I’m going through here entre otras cositas que tengo que trabajar. Oh and it doesn’t help that we’re done with pretty much afternoon activities as a group. They barely happen anymore. Those fun things I used to look forward to barely occur anymore and since it’s not mandatory, only the same people come and others don’t. Nowadays during the week, when we get home, we just lock ourselves up in each of our apartments and don’t interact. Sometimes at night us guys do watch a TV show for an hour or two (given that we have the blessing of a TV), but we don’t play Smash Bros anymore. That kind of died down. So yeah. As an ambivert, I feel like spending time with people in the afternoons used to help keep my energy up, keep me in the present and not be lost in technology and in my head as much. I miss those meaningful conversations with people, like getting to know the culture where people came from and their background.

So yeah. I feel this blog was pretty important. It started off from not knowing to say to becoming pretty productive. It helped shed light on some of the reasons things haven’t been the same for me. The schedule has changed. I wish to be more energetic again. I want to work on the DD and Ballistics projects with more vigor. Definitely need to reflect more later. I need to tap into my subconscious and let it speak. I need to work on myself before I can work on my work to the best of my ability again. God, please guide me these next few weeks and help me make the most of them.