Everyone gets asked this question a lot as a kid. And for me, the answer changed every few years. First it was brain surgeon, then medical examiner, then cinematographer, then EMT, then briefly I was convinced I would be a nurse (a horrible choice, really) until finally landed on medical illustration. I realized I kept flip-flopping between a medical field job and an art related job. Then, one day, I was scrolling the internet, browsing scholarships (I’m really not sure why, I hadn’t even applied to school yet, but I was) and I saw a scholarship in which students took pictures of microscope slides they thought were pretty and then the slide determined to be the prettiest won the scholarship. It was advertised as a “science art” scholarship and I was like wait, is it really that simple? Is “science art” a thing? So I looked it up. Turns out it absolutely is. And that’s how I found medical illustration.
Yet, in all the years of being asked “What do you want to do when you grow up?”, I never imagined I’d end up here. I wasn’t even aware “here” existed. That’s the funny thing about the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, Once you decide what it is, there’s a very definite- often stereotypical- expectation of what being that thing will mean. For medical illustration though, I had no stereotype to work off of. I had no idea what it meant, just that it sounded like something I’d love to do. The more I researched it the more I realized how varied it can be. Medical illustrators can work in hospitals or research centers or on law offices or even from home. I didn’t know what path I’d end up on, had no clue where I’d go. So when people ask me what I’m going to school for, and I tell them, the next questions are ones like “what is medical illustration?” Or, “how does that work?” Or the ever dreaded, “so how long will you be in school?” And I stumble through answers that are too complicated to casually discuss. Because medical illustration is about as specific a field as “sports”. If someone says, “I want to work in sports” we would all laugh because it’s not much of a plan. But, because the field of medical illustration has so many emerging and new technologies, it’s hard to pinpoint the exact thing I want to do within the field. So I generalize. Then people ask how long I will be in school and I shudder, because there is no definite answer right now. Maybe I will just get a bachelors. maybe I’ll join a masters program, but if not, will I try for a Ph. D? There is no one way to become what I want to be, since what I want to be is unclear. Beyond that, it’s not as east as simply stating what I want to do. I actually have to go do it now.
Now, however, I’ve realized there’s been a distinct change in the question that I’ve been asked all my life. I didn’t notice it at first, but eventually people stopped asking me what I want to be when I grow and began asking me, “what are you doing these days?” With the implication, of course, being that either I already grew up (a ridiculous notion, really), or that I should already be what I wanted, or clearly on the path to it. Yet, if someone were to ask me that question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I still wouldn’t have a definite answer. I still don’t know how this field or my love for it will change in the next few years. Will it get more specific? Maybe I will determine I want to work in bio-printing or surgery simulation production, but maybe I want to go into research. Maybe I want to be part of the group of medical artists that push this field further. There are no answers yet, but this part is clear: where I am now is an important part of getting there.
Here, in this program, I am asked similar questions. They suggest grad school and promote research and I worry that somehow I do not belong. I never truly considered grad school as something I am capable of until recently. Today in our Luncheon Lecture, we discussed the options, and how the world we are in today can so easily and quickly change that we have no idea what the options will be by the time we’re finishing our schooling. So with this in mind, I’m making a list of the things I think I need in a job, and I’m widening my view. I can focus on, “well I want to be this one specific thing” but who knows how the goalposts will have moved by the time I get there? So this is what I need in a job: I want a biological or medical component to my work. I need to be creative. I have to be working on something useful. I want to be learning. These are the goals I am working towards in a career. For now, I’m focusing on medical illustration because that seems to be the way there for me, and honestly, that’s all I need to know now. I have at the very least three more years to figure the rest out.
Speaking of art, I decided it would be fun to draw some pictures of all the other interns. Just quick doodles. These are sketches of the two interns on the project with me. I’ll post a few more at the end of my next blog.
Awesome job!